6 Parenting Practices that will Empower your Child/Athlete

The Parent/Athlete Relationship Part 3:  6 Parenting Practices that will Empower your Child/Athlete

Everyone wants their child to excel.  The reason that you are reading this article is because you want the answer to the big question.  How can I (as a parent) help my kid excel in sports?  The answer is not as elusive as you may think.  It is actually quite simple.  Simple enough to be stated in one word.  Empower.

I want you to take a moment and be objective.  Take everything (money, ego, scholarship, your own dreams, etc.) out of the equation.  For this moment of thought, strip off every external factor in sport.  Leave yourself with only the most real significance in your sports world – the athlete… the person… your child.

What is the best result we could hope for THEM at the end of their journey in basketball?

• They were an All-State performer.
• They received a college scholarship.
• They played professionally.
• They became the best they could possibly be as a player and as a person.

There are many NBA players who are just downright awful people.  There are also many who are miserable even though they have acquired more fame and fortune than they had ever dreamed possible.  The accolades don’t matter.  As Jay-Z said, “Money ain’t a thing.”  When we strip away the secondary factors and focus on the person, the answer is clear.  A person’s pursuit of the best version of themselves is what really matters.

We must empower our kids to become the best versions of themselves.  By doing this, we will help them achieve their personal ceiling of success in sports.  More importantly, we will help them become the best they can be in life.

6 Practices that will Empower your Child/Athlete

1. Let them have a journey instead of a grind

Every journey has a starting point and a destination.  Everything in between is an experience.  If I had a desire to go drive across the country, it would be because I want the experience.  I want to see the beaches in Florida, the mountains of Colorado, and the Grand Canyon.  I want to drive up the Pacific coast and watch the sun set over the ocean.  This journey is going to take work, but my joy will be in the experience.  I wanted the experience, I chose the journey,  and I set off on my trip expecting it to be fun and inspiring.  I am willing to make the effort and sacrifice my time because it’s what I want.  It is going to be so much fun.

Now what if I had no desire to take this journey?  I did not care about the experience.  I wouldn’t look at is as a journey.  I would see it as work.  This is what happens when basketball is forced on a child.  It is a grind.  Empowering your child is allowing them to go on a journey in sports that they want to take.

If you let them have their own journey, you will be nurturing a love for the process of getting better.  They chose to take the journey.  They will fall in love with the experience (the process).  Their destination will be fulfilling.

2. Understand the pressure that adolescents are under

The American Psychological Association conducted a survey on the rise in teen stress levels.  They reported that teen stress levels far exceed what they believe to be healthy (5.8 vs. 3.1 on a 10 point scale).  They also topped adult stress levels (5.8 for teens vs. 5.1 for adults).  31% of teens felt overwhelmed, 30% felt depressed or sad, and 36% felt tired or fatigued.[1]

Stress and depression is a big problem in the lives of teenagers.  It is a fact that they are more stressed than ever.  There are many internal issues an adolescent will deal with that will induce stress in their lives (pressure to perform academically and athletically, high school relationships, peer pressure, fear of the unknown future, insecurity, etc.).  As parents, we need to try to be a part of the solution not the problem.  They already put enough pressure on themselves.  Do we really need to pressure them to perform well in sports?

I don’t know much, but I know this…  A player must have a clear mind to peak perform on the court.  When I played basketball, it was like all my high school adolescent problems disappeared.  It was an escape when I was stressed.  It was a healthy escape.  Kids need an escape from their stress.  Even if only for a short time.  Athletics is the best, safest environment they could escape to.  Let’s give them that.

3. Let them get coached

“Uncoachable kids become unemployable adults.  Let your kids get used to someone being tough on them.  It’s life, get over it.”  -Patrick Murphy

Coaches coach the best players the most.  That is the nature of the profession.  It is actually a good thing if your kid is getting some hard coaching.  It means the coach believes in them.  He has high expectations of them because their performance has raised the bar.  No need to get your feelings hurt over it.  And if your kid gets their feelings hurt, just remind them why coaches are like that.  Tell them to take it as a compliment and go out there and get better.  In my playing and coaching experience, the best players could be coached the hardest.  They were confident, they knew what it was, and they only wanted to get better.  A coach couldn’t touch their feelings.

Bosses are going to do some hard coaching in the business world.  Especially a boss with high expectations from an important employee.  High school sports is a great place to learn how to handle this.  A player can sulk, or get better and compete.  Which will it be?

4. Celebrate the effort more than the outcome

Too often we focus on the outcome instead of the things it takes to achieve the desired outcome.  Kids love to be celebrated.  It gives them affirmation and motivates them to do it again.  Affirm the things that you know they have control over.  Little things that they can do every time that will help their team win.

• Working hard on their game
• Playing hard
• Sharing the ball
• Being a great teammate
• Hustling
• Playing D
• Rebounding
• Having class

Celebrating the little things helps your child make them habits.  When they have great habits they are more likely to peak perform.  When the pressure is at its highest players always revert back to their habits.  If you want your kid to have good outcomes, help him build good habits.

5. Embrace your role

Charles Barkley may have been onto something with this Nike Ad from 1993…

We all know that kids are going to look up to professional athletes, but these guys are secondary role models.  It is not their job to raise your kids.  You are the primary role model.  Your kids usually won’t say it out loud, but they look up to you more than anyone else in the world.  Your behavior should model the person that you want them to be.

So many men reach middle age and say “I have become my father.”  Why is this?  Well, for one it’s natural.  They have their father’s genes.  Also, they were probably their dad’s biggest fan.  And their dad was their biggest role model.  Embrace the role.

Be the man you want to see your child become. 

6. The greatest gifts a parent can give their child/athlete

• Their Game

Parents invest their time and money into their child’s sports careers.  Sadly, many parents expect the return they want on their investment.  This takes the ownership away from the athlete and gives it to the parents.  It should not be about the parent’s investment.  It should be about the athlete’s experience.  Let their game be theirs and theirs alone.

• Belief

• Self-Worth

There is nothing a child wants to do more than make his parent proud.  Tell them.  Tell them a lot.  For a kid, knowing they made their parents proud is better than any trophy they could get.

What makes the statement mean the most is how often you tell them, saying it in different ways, and your sincerity.

“I’m proud of you.”

“You must be proud of yourself.”

“I’m proud to be your father.”

“You should be proud of that work.”

“I’m proud of the person you have become.”

“Thank you for being who you are. I love you, and I’m so proud of you”

[1] http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2014/02/teen-stress.aspx